Dating and Relationships Thai Style (also for Gays)

You have to learn a lot of what and what not to do in public with your friend or mate in Thailand and why.

The first thing to remember is that even if both of you are out don’t touch the guys too openly in public.
So if you are walking down the street DO NOT hold his hand. There is a reason for this. If a Thai
lets a man touch, hold hands or put his arm around him the Thais believe he is easy, loose or maybe a moneyboy.
If you look at the way girls and boys act in the bars it is easy to understand that any traditional, well educated Thai
would not want to be seen as such a person. Thailand is a class society and the girls and boys working in the bars
are part of the lower class. Any well-educated and successful Thai man knows this of course and would not even think
of marrying a girl of this status.

When it gets serious

Your date wants her friends and family to check you out and will ask what they think about you later when they are alone.
This is kind of like a job interview in front of board members. Don’t ask his/her family or friends any questions just
let them ask you. You are the one being interviewed here. Also if you talk too much to his/her friends or others in the
family everyone will think you are flirting with them, so it’s not a good idea. Keep focussed on your date.

Another thing you will be tested in is how you spend your money. This starts from the first date. If you ask him/her
where he/she wants to eat more than likely he/she will choose an expensive restaurant. Your reply could be to suggest
a restaurant that is nice but a little cheaper. A simple restaurant is a no-no just as much as an expensive one is.
Thais love shopping malls so eating for lunch or dinner there is fine (not a Sizzler Steak House).
Thais are very thrifty when it comes to spending money, they know how to get the most for the Thai Baht
and he/she is looking to see if you are the same. Suggest Pizza Hut for the “all you can eat night” is a very good bargain
and she will take notice of this.But Thai food of the style he/she likes is much better.

After the First Date

Later on in dating you will probably want to purchase a gift for him or her. This will be another money test.
One example: I noticed he/she needed a good watch. We went to the mall and a reputable watch dealer.
Now I could of bought a very expensive one but here is what I did. I ask him/her which one she liked and
of course she picked out a very expensive one (remember this is just a test). I then asked the clerk to see
a much cheaper one, which she showed me. I told my date that the cheap watches were not any good.
We then looked at medium price watches and she found one she liked and made the purchase.
Now here is the lesson in all this.

If a Thai boy or girl convinces you to make an expensive purchase when it is not necessary he/she thinks
you spend way too much money. If you make a cheap purchase he/she will think you are stingy.
If you make the right purchase she will know you know how to spend your money wisely.
He/he will never considering a man who throws money away or a man that has no money or is cheap.

Asking for Money

Here is one trap most western men fall into and again this is another test.

At some time he/she will say something like “My parents need a new roof for their house as it leaks
when it rains” or “We have no indoor plumbing in our house in the village can you help us” or maybe
“My fathers motorbike broke down and he needs a new one”. Lets think about this one carefully.
Ok, she now knows you might love him/her or at least like him/her a lot or you wouldn’t be
spending this much time with her. Now he/she is performing the biggest test of all, seeing how stupid you are.

Most of the western men I know would give him/her the money because they want to help.
This is the biggest mistake you can do. DO NOT give him/her any money for anything!!!

Your reply should be “Let’s go to your parents house and see what they need and maybe I can help”.
This is not only wise but also what he/she wants to hear. She will have one of two replies.
If her parents really don’t need the money she will just laugh and probably give you a hug and change
the subject, no more said for now. Don’t bring up the subject again remember this is just a test.
If they do need the money for the purposes he/she mentioned, she will say OK.

Now one of three things will happen. If he just wanted you for your money he avoid you.
Another is he/she will take you to her parents house and you will see his/her parents
don’t need anything from you and that this was just a test.
Third you will visit his/her village and parents and see what they need. Now this is very important
and happens mainly with bar girls and money boys. If you just give him/her the money he/she asks
for he will take it for sure. Not only that he or she will keep asking for more as long as you keep giving it.
You are now the cash cow and remember: He or she did NOT take it from you. YOU were more
than willing to give it to him or her. There are many stories from western men who say,
“this person stole my money”.
NO, you were stupid enough to give it to him or her without checking to see if the stories were true.
Remember, these are tests to see if you are wise, thrifty, kind, considerate or just plain stupid.
A traditional Thai would not take the money but just smile or laugh.

>BeyondDating

He may consult with siblings and/or friends and if they like you then he will go on to the next step.
If they don’t like you forget it. Thais won ‘t rely on their own feelings when it comes to getting serious
with a potential mate. What their close personal relations say is most important when it comes to making decisions.

Again you are together at a restaurant and probably a Thai restaurant but this time alone.
You ask him or her to make the dinner choice of dishes for both of you. Once the plates arrive
he will put the rice on your plate for you. Here is where you find out if he is serious about you and
falling in love. He or she will take small portions from the serving plates and put it on your plate.
She or he will fill up your water or beer glass when it gets low. She or he will keep doing this until
the meal is over. Sheor he is trying to show that she/he wants to take care of you. Thai women
are trained by their mother on how to take care of men and children.

Getting Serious

One thing to remember is a Thai girl will almost NEVER tell you she loves you. She shows
her love by taking care of you. Don’t for a moment think she doesn’t love you because she doesn’t say it.
Actions are what counts here and words mean very little when it come to love and romance.

Thais also love to give and receive gifts. These gifts should be personal and something you or t
hey truly need. If you want to give a gift shoes and handbags are their favorites.

Don’t go out to purchase expensive gifts. Tell him/her you need to go shopping for something
for yourself and take him/her with you. After you make your purchase (shirt etc.) than ask him/her
if she would like a pair of shoes or handbag then walk him or her to a store. Again you can purchase
a nice pair of shoes for her for a couple hundred Thai baht, most nice shoes are under 400 baht
and handbags around 400 Thai baht too.

Another gift men love to give which is not very important to Thai men and women except on special occasions
are flowers. Many Thais feel this is not practical and a waste of money. If you do buy flowers
make sure it is the right color. The wrong color can have a negative meaning. The two best colors
are white and red. White means you miss or missed her, which is great to give when you haven’t seen her in a while.
Red is telling her you love her and is good for Valentines Day, birthday or New Years.
Yellow is in mourning so don’t give her those as yellow blooms are for funerals.

Marriage and Partnership

Take him / her to a nice restaurant for a romantic dinner and just ask him / her, that’s all there is to it.
Don’t purchase a ring or anything. If he / she says yes, congratulations. Don’t worry about the parents
and what they might say or want, as they already know all about you. They know their son or
daughter loves you and he/she has already consulted with them and they gave their approval.
The next step is to take her to a gold shop and purchase a nice necklace for him/her.
Nothing too big and flashy but just something he/she likes.
Let him or her make the choice but you keep it, don’t give it now.

It is now time to go and ask the parents. You should take a well-respected Thai friend
along (male) who can tell them about your good character. When you go take pictures of your family,
your house and any other personal pictures that shows what your life is like back home.
Then give the gold necklace in front of them. Ask if you can marry her and say how much
you love her and why. She will give the necklace to her mother who will have it blessed by a monk
and return it to her. You are now engaged.If you are in love with aguy, consult him before the event.
Unless he is kind of Ladyboy the family may not be ready to accept the idea of a marriage.

Now you can live together until the wedding. The wedding date will be set by first consulting
a trusted Buddhist monk. Then the wedding plans can begin. You will have little or no say on
how many people, where it will be held, how much it will cost or who to invite.
Of course your family and close friends will be allowed to participate and attend.

I hope this helps in understanding the Thai way of romance. Remember things are done much
differently in their culture and they are not going to do it any other way, full stop.    READ MORE